Freelance Bridesmaid

For awhile, I had my job and employer on facebook listed as "Professional Bridesmaid" employed by "Friends of Laine." I certainly got a big kick out of myself for having that up there, but it was also kind of true. Of course the salary field could probably be more like "air miles accumulated," but for the most part, it's the truth.

Now, I'm very happy to be working for my employers over the years and if they ask me for advice, I will certainly help. It's no secret that I've learned a great deal about the wedding biz, the bridesmaid biz(a.k.a money hustling from other women), the bridesmaidzilla/bridezilla biz(a.k.a put these hookers in their place). However, I have finally decided to draw the line at helping brides who have their own bridal party to consult. So, to all of you, please read the below letter that I have quickly drawn up:

Dear Brides Who Didn't Ask Me To Be In Their Wedding~

First of all, thank you. Second, you have all selected your bridal party for a reason. They are probably your family or close friends. I'm assuming it's safe to say that they know you well enough to help you out with your wedding ideas. So, why are you asking me what my opinion is?! When I ask how your wedding planning is going, I really want to know, but that doesn't mean I'm volunteering to be your freelance bridesmaid! I know I am the best that's out there and someone with exquisite taste, but I can't spread myself to thin (enough of the dirty jokes).

I'm sorry if you picked b-maids with bad taste or no interest, but I am exhausted and getting ready to retire. I have no more good ideas left. The few good ones I do have left are reserved for my closest friends(although I'm not sure there are many left that missed the same boat I did). I'm not trying to sound rude, but I kind of am, so yeah...sorry about that. HA!

Cheers,

Laine B :)