FB Stalking Gone Bad

Facebook stalking. We all do it to some extent, right? Right. Don't sit there and act like you don't, you liars!! What else is there do while you are at work, work? What, do you actually read while you're up late at night (shutup Ms. Corningstone)? Ummm no. Prime time to stalk it up!

So, I was bored the other night and was lurking around some friends pages when I somehow stumbled upon information about some choice men that I really did not need to see. More specifically, this information was regarding two men that I was seeing/kind of dating but not really/had a thing with/was hanging out with (of course, never officially called my boyfriend) at some point within the past year or two. No, not at the same time, you whores. This tidbit of information showed that they were both "in a relationship" now.

Here's a semi-short version of each backup story. I'll refer to the first guy, and biggest punch in the stomach, as "Polly." This is because he was truly the male version of Polly from the movie, Along Came Polly. All over the place, never committed to anything until the last minute, etc. Basically, a huge pain in the ass. Anyways, him and I had a "thing" for about 8 months...yep, a "thing"..for 8 months, and the feelings, games and bullshit lingered on for like an extra year after that. By bullshit, I mean him treating me like a load of crap on the street. Started out great of course, but then he constantly tore me to shreds no matter what I did or said. Don't ask me why I let this go on..I was bored..it happens when you're always single, so shut it. It all started to come to an end when he told me about this 20 year old girl, now 21, that he met on the train one night. They didn't date because she was young and lived in FL, etc, but he'd constantly talk about her and tell me how great she is and that she never gets mad about things, blah, blah, barf, barf. Yea, he'd tell this crap to ME. Mr. Sensativity. And hey, idiot, you know why she never gets mad about anything?? BECAUSE SHE'S 21, STILL IN SCHOOL AND WORKS AT DISNEY WORLD. Ass. Oh, and did I mention that Polly was 35 at the time, now 36? Clearly, this sent me through the roof. Hellooo, I was getting ditched for a flippin' 21 yr old tramp (she so is, I saw her fb pics...stalking rules)!! I thought guys weren't supposed to trade me in until I was 50 or something? Grr. Eventually, it got to the point where Polly and I couldn't have a conversation without fighting and him bitching me out, so I cut off all communication and deleted him from everything, including Facebook. Little did I know, this would not stop me because I ran into HER page the other night and see "in a relationship with Polly" and had a friend confirm that it was, in fact, not a hallucination and that his page said the same thing.

The second idiot background story isn't quite as bad, but still pretty sweet and just happened a few months ago. We will call him "Chong" because, well, he's kind of a pothead. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have tried to have a real relationship with him because he's a 27yr old pothead, but still (no offense to any tokin' readers). Nothing wrong with once in awhile, but when it runs your life, there's a problem. Anyways, Chong and I had some tension going on for awhile. I don't know what attracted me to him, but he was really fun when we were out with our mutual friends, so I'm guessing that's what got me. We would have little drunken makeout sessions here and there and then a few months ago, things started to move forward. I didn't really take him too seriously, but then he was suddenly obsessed with me (who wouldn't be). Calling me, taking me out, texting every day...he even went on vacation with the guys and kept in touch every day. I was kind of shocked and was actually starting to respect him or something crazy like that. So, a couple weeks of all this, I go out, he's there, acting normal...he walks me home and we go our seperate ways, no big deal. I get a TEXT from him like 10 minutes after I get into my apt saying that "the timing with us is just bad because things kind of took a turn with another girl. i still want to hang out with you, but wanted you to know that i am seeing other people." UMMMM ok doucher, so you are basically telling me that you have been seeing ONE other girl while keeping me on the back burner, things are getting more serious with HER and you are probably going to pick her over me. Sweet, thanks for giving me the heads up that I'm second best. He tells me that seeing me, makes him think twice about this other girl. F that, ass. So I tell him that I deserve better than him and call that one a day. Again, little did I know how much I loved to stalk when I'm bored and lonely.

Now, please explain to me 3 things:
A) Why I am a psycho-hose beast and managed to land on the 21yr old's fb page.
B) Why are these two JERKS are no longer single and I still am???
C) Why do I date/see/have things with/call it anything but have a boyfriend...with these men who clearly do not see what an awesome psycho-hose beast I am??

Ladies and Gents...this is a prime warning to be careful while you are FB stalking. It's all fun and games until somebody gets shot in the leg.

Go F yourself, San Diego.