Living in New York City, you see a lot of odd couples together. You know what I'm talkin' about...the couples that you look at and are like 'WTF is he doing with her?' and vice versa. Then you see the cougars with the young men....and then you see the old guys with the twenty-somethings.
Welp, I recently had the opportunity to get myself a sugar daddy of my very own.
One of my jobs right now is being a temp at a law firm. This particular law firm deals with a lot of high rollers and celebrities in the entertainment industry among several others. There is one client that comes in pretty often - always nice and friendly. A couple weeks ago he was walking out and the conversation went like this:
SD: Well, Laine, it was nice to see you as always.
Me: You too.
SD: And I think I'd like to take you out for a drink...
Me (thinking he was joking): Hahahaha no, that's ok.
SD: No?! Really?
Me (realizing he was serious): No, I don't think so.
SD (looking at me like I was insane for saying no): Really?!! Okay, what about lunch? Let me take you to lunch.
Me (wanting to jump through the window): No, I really don't think so. I'm sorry.
SD: It's okay, I understand.
Now, I will say that this man was never creepy or sketch about this or to me. He really did seem like a normal guy that clearly finds nothing wrong with dating a girl in her 20's.
Here are the stats on this dude:
- Coming up on 70yrs old.
- Former executive director of the NBA
- Has connections everywhere
- According to one of the other lawyers here - has no trouble getting the twenty-something girls
- MARRIED!!
Yep, after I was telling one of the lawyers about my admirer he said: "He is actually great with all the young girls he finds, he's a great conversationalist, has connections up the wazoo....I'd say the only problem with dating SD is that he is married."
I know that there are a good amount of girls my age out there that would probably be totally for this. I just don't get it - I know the economy sucks and all and I could certainly use the extra money, but I'm just not ready to deal with Cialis or Viagara yet. Call me crazy but all the money in the world couldn't change that for me.
Unbelievable. Gotta love NYC dating life!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Vespa & Lonestar's Wedding - Part 1
Welp, I finally attended my 9th wedding - the much anticipated wedding of Princess Vespa and Lonestar. It was gorgeous and so much fun!! After 2 years of planning, it should be, right?! Yes...Vespa has her name for a reason...she's a little nutty.
This was the first time I have been someones maid of honor, which meant that I had to give a toast at the wedding. Besides getting old, this is basically my biggest fear ever in life. I try to avoid public speaking at all times and I don't like when all eyes are on me. I avoided the public speaking class in college for this reason. Yes, I know, not the best move, but I was in college and drunk all the time...I didn't know what was best for me! Needless to say, I was not too excited for this part of the gig.
The wedding day got here, and I was in full panic mode. I'm usually pretty calm and can keep the bride calm and prepared as well, but this time, I had the toast to worry about too and I was FREAKING out all day. Then the added pressure of carrying the wedding band with me was on and I was nervous about that because my damn purse wouldn't shut correctly. Awesome. Don't think I didn't go up to the VP of FCUK at the reception and tell her that there are issues with it and that she needs to fix it immediately. HA! I'm such a jerk.
Anyways, I wrote my speech about a month ago and it literally took me all of 10 minutes. Vespa and I go way back, so it wasn't a struggle to come up with what to say. I was going to take a shot (of alcohol...not a shot in the dark, come on!) and wing it but several people advised against that. Probably good advice for me since I rarely have a filter from my brain to my mouth. So instead, I typed it out and made some edits along the way. I set up my little flip video camera and practiced/timed it about 10 times before and I totally screwed it up and fumbled my words almost every time. The only good thing was that it was short and sweet, which was my goal. Well, maybe not totally "sweet" because I definitely made a point to rip on Vespa about a few key memories. Heh heh.
To ease my nerves, I made sure to bring extra champagne for the limo ride from the church to the reception and tossed back 3 glasses. I basically had to follow Vespa around for pictures while everyone else was inside drinking, so I was starting to get nervous again when it wore off. Vespa asked me to pass along a message to the groomsmen so I did that and thought 'hmm, prime time to get myself some vodka.' so thank youuuu, Vespa! Phew! Right before we were being introduced, I noticed that the groomsmen were all doing a shot. I BOLTED in the middle of them and said "Can I please have one of these?!?!?" Before they even answered I just took it, downed it, and ran off with nobody noticing. It was necessary!
Apparently all of these methods worked for me because I got up there and didn't really need to look at my notes or fumble my words. I think I heard some laughs at my jokes, so that was good. Random people that I barely knew kept coming up to me and telling me how awesome my speech was. One person said "You were really really good. Normally b'maid toasts are pretty weak, but you outdid the best man by far!"
That's right. I rock.
P.S. - I have like 3 more parts to discuss about this wedding, so stay tuned...
This was the first time I have been someones maid of honor, which meant that I had to give a toast at the wedding. Besides getting old, this is basically my biggest fear ever in life. I try to avoid public speaking at all times and I don't like when all eyes are on me. I avoided the public speaking class in college for this reason. Yes, I know, not the best move, but I was in college and drunk all the time...I didn't know what was best for me! Needless to say, I was not too excited for this part of the gig.
The wedding day got here, and I was in full panic mode. I'm usually pretty calm and can keep the bride calm and prepared as well, but this time, I had the toast to worry about too and I was FREAKING out all day. Then the added pressure of carrying the wedding band with me was on and I was nervous about that because my damn purse wouldn't shut correctly. Awesome. Don't think I didn't go up to the VP of FCUK at the reception and tell her that there are issues with it and that she needs to fix it immediately. HA! I'm such a jerk.
Anyways, I wrote my speech about a month ago and it literally took me all of 10 minutes. Vespa and I go way back, so it wasn't a struggle to come up with what to say. I was going to take a shot (of alcohol...not a shot in the dark, come on!) and wing it but several people advised against that. Probably good advice for me since I rarely have a filter from my brain to my mouth. So instead, I typed it out and made some edits along the way. I set up my little flip video camera and practiced/timed it about 10 times before and I totally screwed it up and fumbled my words almost every time. The only good thing was that it was short and sweet, which was my goal. Well, maybe not totally "sweet" because I definitely made a point to rip on Vespa about a few key memories. Heh heh.
To ease my nerves, I made sure to bring extra champagne for the limo ride from the church to the reception and tossed back 3 glasses. I basically had to follow Vespa around for pictures while everyone else was inside drinking, so I was starting to get nervous again when it wore off. Vespa asked me to pass along a message to the groomsmen so I did that and thought 'hmm, prime time to get myself some vodka.' so thank youuuu, Vespa! Phew! Right before we were being introduced, I noticed that the groomsmen were all doing a shot. I BOLTED in the middle of them and said "Can I please have one of these?!?!?" Before they even answered I just took it, downed it, and ran off with nobody noticing. It was necessary!
Apparently all of these methods worked for me because I got up there and didn't really need to look at my notes or fumble my words. I think I heard some laughs at my jokes, so that was good. Random people that I barely knew kept coming up to me and telling me how awesome my speech was. One person said "You were really really good. Normally b'maid toasts are pretty weak, but you outdid the best man by far!"
That's right. I rock.
P.S. - I have like 3 more parts to discuss about this wedding, so stay tuned...
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