Success!
All in all, I have to say that these two showers were very painless! Finally, people are starting to do things right and skipping the stupid games and other pointless hooey. I mean, I was the maid of honor in Sock's wedding, so why would I allow any of that crapola?! I think I might have even told her that I refused to plan any sort of bridal shower game or allow any to go on. Yea, that's right people, I am strict with these bridal showers if I have a say in them! Since we think alike, this was just fine with her, thank goodness. I think there were a couple games that were supposed to take place at Jasmine's shower (yep..I spotted the 90 rolls of paper towels to "make a wedding dress") but, luckily, her shower got a bit of a late start so we didn't have time for them. ha!
My travels to these bridal showers, on the other hand, did not go so smoothly. I had my little carry-on suitcase on wheels, which had 55 glass coasters plus my clothes and spit in it. That weighed about 50lbs (I thought the coasters were lighter when I ordered them, oops). Then I had Jasmine and Sock's gifts to carry in 2 large gift bags (again, not sure what I was thinking). Before I even got in a cab to head to port authority, Jasmine's gift bag completely ripped so I had to carry her martini set and vodka in one hand, while Sock's gift was over my shoulder with my purse, and then drag my 50lb bag. I'm dragging all of this through PA, down stairs, up escalators, etc. Finally made it on the bus and arrive in Philly only to discover that one of the wheels on my suitcase completely broke off where it left a giant hole in the bottom. Juuuust peachy. Now I have to carry this little bitch bag with me along with Sock's gift. Not to worry because one of my gifts to sock was a cupcake mug that completely shattered at some point in my travelling. This was just not my weekend.
I will tell you that, while these were very successful showers, I am totally beat and bridal showered OUT! Not only is it tiring to go to 2 bridal showers in one weekend in 2 different cities while dragging a bunch of stuff with you, but it is down right exhausting to listen to how friggin' happy and in love(is that one word or two?) these girls are! Then you hear some other girls there that are already married talk about their weddings...I mean...I get it, I'm very happy for you, but my attitude after all these years is....BARF. It's getting harder to even act interested, especially when I don't know most of these girls and especially while I'm ridiculously hungover (shout out to Landy, Red, and the band!!! Super fun Friday night guys! BOMBS!!). Basically, they just add an extra dry heave. Next time, I should bring an airsick bag.
Overall, good weekend - great to see everyone, glad everyone enjoyed themselves - now it's time for BED!!
Capture the Dream
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
BS Weekend 2010
Starting tomorrow at 7am, I will be waking up to begin my tour of bridal showers for the weekend. Yes, I have 2 in one weekend in 2 different cities.
I'll be heading to lovely Port Authority to meet up with bride #1 to catch a bus at 8:30am to Philly for my first shower of the weekend for my friend from high school, Jasmine. She's Jasmine because she is engaged to an Indian man (the ones with the dots, not feathers) and she is having a very extravagant American/Indian wedding with horses and everything later this summer. I constantly picture her wedding to be like the scene from Aladdin when he first becomes a prince and goes to the castle. Therefore, "Jasmine" seems to fit.
From Philly, my other bride friend, Sock, will be picking me up and we have to drive back to NJ. I'll be spending the night with her at her dad's house that night after we hit up her friend's birthday party. I'm the maid of honor in this wedding so this one I will be back in my normal role of getting to the restaurant early to set up before. Damn.
Okay, so I'd like to know how I'm going to make it through this weekend? I'm just about recovered from my Iceland trip; however, my good friend that moved away is back in town this weekend and a bunch of us old co-workers are going out for HH tonight and we are all RAGIN' to go. This is really going to affect my 7am wake-up. I also have a truckload of presents, favors, and my own clothes to bring with me...not really sure how that's going to happen. I've already warned Jazzy that she will be able to find me easily because I'll be the one with my head in the garbage can barfing my car bombs out. Maybe I should apologize ahead of time for puking on her gifts while I'm at it? This is painting a lovely picture for all of you, isn't it?
Sure, I could be a responsible 28yr old adult and go out for a normal happy hour and not guzzle my brains out, but what the hell kind of fun is that?? I'm tired of worrying about being in tip-top shape for stinkin' bridal showers that aren't even for me, so I say, pile on the vodka!! I'll deal with my drunk ass in the morning and pull it together like the champ that I am.
Salute!
P.S - Don't think for one minute that I didn't purposely title this post "BS Weekend 2010" for nothing.
I'll be heading to lovely Port Authority to meet up with bride #1 to catch a bus at 8:30am to Philly for my first shower of the weekend for my friend from high school, Jasmine. She's Jasmine because she is engaged to an Indian man (the ones with the dots, not feathers) and she is having a very extravagant American/Indian wedding with horses and everything later this summer. I constantly picture her wedding to be like the scene from Aladdin when he first becomes a prince and goes to the castle. Therefore, "Jasmine" seems to fit.
From Philly, my other bride friend, Sock, will be picking me up and we have to drive back to NJ. I'll be spending the night with her at her dad's house that night after we hit up her friend's birthday party. I'm the maid of honor in this wedding so this one I will be back in my normal role of getting to the restaurant early to set up before. Damn.
Okay, so I'd like to know how I'm going to make it through this weekend? I'm just about recovered from my Iceland trip; however, my good friend that moved away is back in town this weekend and a bunch of us old co-workers are going out for HH tonight and we are all RAGIN' to go. This is really going to affect my 7am wake-up. I also have a truckload of presents, favors, and my own clothes to bring with me...not really sure how that's going to happen. I've already warned Jazzy that she will be able to find me easily because I'll be the one with my head in the garbage can barfing my car bombs out. Maybe I should apologize ahead of time for puking on her gifts while I'm at it? This is painting a lovely picture for all of you, isn't it?
Sure, I could be a responsible 28yr old adult and go out for a normal happy hour and not guzzle my brains out, but what the hell kind of fun is that?? I'm tired of worrying about being in tip-top shape for stinkin' bridal showers that aren't even for me, so I say, pile on the vodka!! I'll deal with my drunk ass in the morning and pull it together like the champ that I am.
Salute!
P.S - Don't think for one minute that I didn't purposely title this post "BS Weekend 2010" for nothing.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Icelandic Reports
Well, well, well what do we have here? That's right, Icelandic men.
I just returned from a week vacation in Iceland with the fam. Right off the bat, I have to say that it was one of my favorite countries that I've been to, and I've been to a lot of countries kids! Everything there is very calming (minus the crazy amount of volcanoes, of course). There are literally no billboards in the streets, no advertising constantly in your face...it's very simple, clean, and the people there are super nice.
Now, I'd like to report my most important findings. I never knew one thing about Iceland before I went, so I had no idea what to expect. The one thing I did notice is that the men that they breed over there are. HOT. I'd like to know where these dudes have been hiding? Not only are they quite good looking, but they are extremely nice, and most importantly, THEY WEAR DEODORANT!! Hoooraaayyy! Finally, a European country that has gotten the memo on not smelling like a dirty old goat that just crawled out of a sewer. I swear, I didn't get one stinky stench while I was over there!
OK, sorry...I get excited when foreigners don't smell like total butt. Seriously though, I'm putting these guys right up on the top of my list for the moment (my tastes tends to switch a lot). So, what I would like to know is this:
1. Who is moving to Iceland with me?
2. Who knows how I can go about moving there?
3. Who will come to my Icelandic wedding?
The faster I find answers to these questions, the better people. Please advise.
Cheers bitches.
I just returned from a week vacation in Iceland with the fam. Right off the bat, I have to say that it was one of my favorite countries that I've been to, and I've been to a lot of countries kids! Everything there is very calming (minus the crazy amount of volcanoes, of course). There are literally no billboards in the streets, no advertising constantly in your face...it's very simple, clean, and the people there are super nice.
Now, I'd like to report my most important findings. I never knew one thing about Iceland before I went, so I had no idea what to expect. The one thing I did notice is that the men that they breed over there are. HOT. I'd like to know where these dudes have been hiding? Not only are they quite good looking, but they are extremely nice, and most importantly, THEY WEAR DEODORANT!! Hoooraaayyy! Finally, a European country that has gotten the memo on not smelling like a dirty old goat that just crawled out of a sewer. I swear, I didn't get one stinky stench while I was over there!
OK, sorry...I get excited when foreigners don't smell like total butt. Seriously though, I'm putting these guys right up on the top of my list for the moment (my tastes tends to switch a lot). So, what I would like to know is this:
1. Who is moving to Iceland with me?
2. Who knows how I can go about moving there?
3. Who will come to my Icelandic wedding?
The faster I find answers to these questions, the better people. Please advise.
Cheers bitches.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Blogging About Blogging
Well, folks, in the short time that this blog has been going on, it seems that one of my postings has already pissed off a reader. I wrote about my experience in her wedding and some of the bs that went on with her mother and sister. Honestly, I knew that when I wrote it that I would probably be ruffling some feathers, but at the same, what I wrote about happened 4 years ago and I thought it was laughable at this point. I was certainly laughing, I'm sure some of you were too. She was not.
Now, I don't mean to sound like a cold-hearted person or insensitive here because I fully understand that it's unacceptable to talk about someones family in a bad way. However, where exactly do you draw the line on that rule? Come on, you all know there's a line. If you are in a wedding and something like that happens to you, I'm thinking that's crossing it. Please tell me if you all feel differently.
Furthermore, this is my blog about my past and present stories about being a bridesmaid and going on ridiculous dates. Hence, the title...der. My intentions for this little project is definitely not to hurt or offend anyone, especially my friends. If something insane happens to me, whether or not it's a date or a being in a wedding, guess what, it's definitely going in here (something to keep in mind, fyi muahahaha). That is kind of the point in doing this, right? Or did I miss something...
The biggest reason I find this one person to be acting totally ridiculous is because she's known me for almost 10 years. HELLO?! I'm probably one of the most blunt, honest, no-bullshit, sarcastic people in the entire world, what do you expect from me?? Jeesh! I'm not saying it's always good, but things like this happen. Most of my friends realize this about me, but just in case, please don't take this stuff too seriously, kids. If you are reading these entries and are getting miffed, then you should just stop reading because I'm going to keep writing. It's all in good fun for cryin' out loud!!
P.S - If for some reason you don't want to end up in here, maybe think about not treating me like trash. Karma's a bitch.
Now, I don't mean to sound like a cold-hearted person or insensitive here because I fully understand that it's unacceptable to talk about someones family in a bad way. However, where exactly do you draw the line on that rule? Come on, you all know there's a line. If you are in a wedding and something like that happens to you, I'm thinking that's crossing it. Please tell me if you all feel differently.
Furthermore, this is my blog about my past and present stories about being a bridesmaid and going on ridiculous dates. Hence, the title...der. My intentions for this little project is definitely not to hurt or offend anyone, especially my friends. If something insane happens to me, whether or not it's a date or a being in a wedding, guess what, it's definitely going in here (something to keep in mind, fyi muahahaha). That is kind of the point in doing this, right? Or did I miss something...
The biggest reason I find this one person to be acting totally ridiculous is because she's known me for almost 10 years. HELLO?! I'm probably one of the most blunt, honest, no-bullshit, sarcastic people in the entire world, what do you expect from me?? Jeesh! I'm not saying it's always good, but things like this happen. Most of my friends realize this about me, but just in case, please don't take this stuff too seriously, kids. If you are reading these entries and are getting miffed, then you should just stop reading because I'm going to keep writing. It's all in good fun for cryin' out loud!!
P.S - If for some reason you don't want to end up in here, maybe think about not treating me like trash. Karma's a bitch.
Monday, June 14, 2010
T.M.I
Okay...please tell me when is it acceptable to take someone out on the first date and open up about health issues? That's what I thought...never!! Welp, leave it to me to land a date like that.
I had known this guy for awhile - super nice, but he was always kind of dorky and shy, so we never really spoke too much before. When I was home from college one summer, I saw him out one night and he was suddenly pretty darn good looking! He lost the glasses, got rid of the nerdy haircut, figured out how to dress and was suddenly much more confident. I have a thing for confident men (no, not arrogant and cocky...confident. there's a difference! men - learn it) so when he asked me out, I was definitely open to going out with him. He suggested the typical dinner and a movie since there was nothing else to do in Syracuse, NY.
First of all, "dinner" was at the mall in the food court. No, not a restaurant in the food court area, the actual food court!! I was laughing to myself because it wasn't even like we were late for the movie where we didn't have time to eat, this is just where he thought sounded good. Apparently, I looked way more laid back than I really am about where guys take me on a first date. Whatever, I got over it because after all, he did get a makeover!
As we're eating, he starts telling me about how he really tries to be healthy most of the time. No, not because he likes to stay in shape, but because he has really bad psoriasis all over his body! As he continues this amazing story, ah hem, while we were eating, he lifts up his sleeve so that I can get a real nice look. All of this totally made me want to hop in the sack with him, let me tell ya! Then he starts telling me how he treats this condition and I'm now at the very edge of my food court chair ready to make a run for it. He tells me that he's into all these natural remedies that his mom told him to use, which is a variety of teas, mixes, potions, who the hell knows what else, I kept zoning out. Next, as we are still eating, he begins to tell me about this one specific mixture that he started using, which really helped clear him up. The only bad thing about it was that "it really burned when he peed." Swear. to. GOD! Went on and on in detail about how bad it burned, so he stopped using it. I'm surprised he didn't want to show me an example.
At this point, I think I stopped speaking for the remainder of the night because I was beyond disgusted and also wondering where things took a turn towards crazy town here. Don't get me wrong, I'm just flattered that he felt comfortable enough with me to tell me these lovely details, but I could have done without it until maybe the 2nd or 3rd date...especially now that he told me it burns when he pees. I'm pretty sure they call that an STD buddy boy! Needless to say, there was no second date (shocking).
And my friends wonder why my standards are a little high!!! Der!!
I had known this guy for awhile - super nice, but he was always kind of dorky and shy, so we never really spoke too much before. When I was home from college one summer, I saw him out one night and he was suddenly pretty darn good looking! He lost the glasses, got rid of the nerdy haircut, figured out how to dress and was suddenly much more confident. I have a thing for confident men (no, not arrogant and cocky...confident. there's a difference! men - learn it) so when he asked me out, I was definitely open to going out with him. He suggested the typical dinner and a movie since there was nothing else to do in Syracuse, NY.
First of all, "dinner" was at the mall in the food court. No, not a restaurant in the food court area, the actual food court!! I was laughing to myself because it wasn't even like we were late for the movie where we didn't have time to eat, this is just where he thought sounded good. Apparently, I looked way more laid back than I really am about where guys take me on a first date. Whatever, I got over it because after all, he did get a makeover!
As we're eating, he starts telling me about how he really tries to be healthy most of the time. No, not because he likes to stay in shape, but because he has really bad psoriasis all over his body! As he continues this amazing story, ah hem, while we were eating, he lifts up his sleeve so that I can get a real nice look. All of this totally made me want to hop in the sack with him, let me tell ya! Then he starts telling me how he treats this condition and I'm now at the very edge of my food court chair ready to make a run for it. He tells me that he's into all these natural remedies that his mom told him to use, which is a variety of teas, mixes, potions, who the hell knows what else, I kept zoning out. Next, as we are still eating, he begins to tell me about this one specific mixture that he started using, which really helped clear him up. The only bad thing about it was that "it really burned when he peed." Swear. to. GOD! Went on and on in detail about how bad it burned, so he stopped using it. I'm surprised he didn't want to show me an example.
At this point, I think I stopped speaking for the remainder of the night because I was beyond disgusted and also wondering where things took a turn towards crazy town here. Don't get me wrong, I'm just flattered that he felt comfortable enough with me to tell me these lovely details, but I could have done without it until maybe the 2nd or 3rd date...especially now that he told me it burns when he pees. I'm pretty sure they call that an STD buddy boy! Needless to say, there was no second date (shocking).
And my friends wonder why my standards are a little high!!! Der!!
Freelance Bridesmaid
For awhile, I had my job and employer on facebook listed as "Professional Bridesmaid" employed by "Friends of Laine." I certainly got a big kick out of myself for having that up there, but it was also kind of true. Of course the salary field could probably be more like "air miles accumulated," but for the most part, it's the truth.
Now, I'm very happy to be working for my employers over the years and if they ask me for advice, I will certainly help. It's no secret that I've learned a great deal about the wedding biz, the bridesmaid biz(a.k.a money hustling from other women), the bridesmaidzilla/bridezilla biz(a.k.a put these hookers in their place). However, I have finally decided to draw the line at helping brides who have their own bridal party to consult. So, to all of you, please read the below letter that I have quickly drawn up:
Dear Brides Who Didn't Ask Me To Be In Their Wedding~
First of all, thank you. Second, you have all selected your bridal party for a reason. They are probably your family or close friends. I'm assuming it's safe to say that they know you well enough to help you out with your wedding ideas. So, why are you asking me what my opinion is?! When I ask how your wedding planning is going, I really want to know, but that doesn't mean I'm volunteering to be your freelance bridesmaid! I know I am the best that's out there and someone with exquisite taste, but I can't spread myself to thin (enough of the dirty jokes).
I'm sorry if you picked b-maids with bad taste or no interest, but I am exhausted and getting ready to retire. I have no more good ideas left. The few good ones I do have left are reserved for my closest friends(although I'm not sure there are many left that missed the same boat I did). I'm not trying to sound rude, but I kind of am, so yeah...sorry about that. HA!
Cheers,
Laine B :)
Now, I'm very happy to be working for my employers over the years and if they ask me for advice, I will certainly help. It's no secret that I've learned a great deal about the wedding biz, the bridesmaid biz(a.k.a money hustling from other women), the bridesmaidzilla/bridezilla biz(a.k.a put these hookers in their place). However, I have finally decided to draw the line at helping brides who have their own bridal party to consult. So, to all of you, please read the below letter that I have quickly drawn up:
Dear Brides Who Didn't Ask Me To Be In Their Wedding~
First of all, thank you. Second, you have all selected your bridal party for a reason. They are probably your family or close friends. I'm assuming it's safe to say that they know you well enough to help you out with your wedding ideas. So, why are you asking me what my opinion is?! When I ask how your wedding planning is going, I really want to know, but that doesn't mean I'm volunteering to be your freelance bridesmaid! I know I am the best that's out there and someone with exquisite taste, but I can't spread myself to thin (enough of the dirty jokes).
I'm sorry if you picked b-maids with bad taste or no interest, but I am exhausted and getting ready to retire. I have no more good ideas left. The few good ones I do have left are reserved for my closest friends(although I'm not sure there are many left that missed the same boat I did). I'm not trying to sound rude, but I kind of am, so yeah...sorry about that. HA!
Cheers,
Laine B :)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Seriously? Seriously.
Alright, I just got home from a night out for my cousin's birthday celebration. Actually, I just got home from an entire day of drinking. Started with my good friend, Red, at 3pm with some beers and Double Dragon, and then out with the cousins. I was going to wait until it wasn't 1 in the morning to write about tonight's events, but I decided it couldn't wait. Mainly because I've been drinking since 3pm and I'm afraid I might not remember tomorrow.
My cousin turned 27 today/yesterday and my other cousin, his sister, is 20. Somehow, my 20yr old cousin showed her REAL license and got into the lounge we went to. Hilarious. Now, she is up here for an internship at Fox News for the summer and has been here for a couple of weeks. She tells me tonight that she had a date yesterday. Seriously?!?!? She's been here 2 weeks and has already picked up some dudes? I will say that she doesn't always have the best taste in guys, but STILL!
Here's what really got me going. Chong (actually, we're switching that to Cheech because I just realized that the name "chong" reminded me of something I hate) showed up...with the girlfriend! If you read "FB Stalking Gone Bad" you will know who I'm talking about. The thing about this is that he came in, gave me a high five and acted all fine and peachy to me...asked how I was, what I've been up to, etc (naturally, I told him that I've been amazing and that my life is fabulous), AND THEN INTRODUCED THE GF TO ME! Hey, moron, I don't need to meet the girl you ditched me for, but if you really want me to see how much better I am than her, so be it. After that, I totally caught Cheech staring me down out of the corner of my eye. Then he popped over and parked right next to me for like the entire time he was there and tried to make conversation with me. Again, this was probably because that girl he chose over me was BUSTED and kind of looked like Snookie (I mean, come on, I'm so much cuter). Seriously though? This crap would happen to me.
Cleary, this whole night called for more alcohol. Cheech and Snookie left shortly after arriving...I'm going to go ahead and say that it's because they are a "couple" and are now required to be boring when they are out together (no offense friends, no offense). I continued my night of debauchery, hopped a cab home, got pizza, dropped it on my floor, decided that the 5 second rule applied and ate it anyway. Seriously. Aaaahh, amazing night!!
My cousin turned 27 today/yesterday and my other cousin, his sister, is 20. Somehow, my 20yr old cousin showed her REAL license and got into the lounge we went to. Hilarious. Now, she is up here for an internship at Fox News for the summer and has been here for a couple of weeks. She tells me tonight that she had a date yesterday. Seriously?!?!? She's been here 2 weeks and has already picked up some dudes? I will say that she doesn't always have the best taste in guys, but STILL!
Here's what really got me going. Chong (actually, we're switching that to Cheech because I just realized that the name "chong" reminded me of something I hate) showed up...with the girlfriend! If you read "FB Stalking Gone Bad" you will know who I'm talking about. The thing about this is that he came in, gave me a high five and acted all fine and peachy to me...asked how I was, what I've been up to, etc (naturally, I told him that I've been amazing and that my life is fabulous), AND THEN INTRODUCED THE GF TO ME! Hey, moron, I don't need to meet the girl you ditched me for, but if you really want me to see how much better I am than her, so be it. After that, I totally caught Cheech staring me down out of the corner of my eye. Then he popped over and parked right next to me for like the entire time he was there and tried to make conversation with me. Again, this was probably because that girl he chose over me was BUSTED and kind of looked like Snookie (I mean, come on, I'm so much cuter). Seriously though? This crap would happen to me.
Cleary, this whole night called for more alcohol. Cheech and Snookie left shortly after arriving...I'm going to go ahead and say that it's because they are a "couple" and are now required to be boring when they are out together (no offense friends, no offense). I continued my night of debauchery, hopped a cab home, got pizza, dropped it on my floor, decided that the 5 second rule applied and ate it anyway. Seriously. Aaaahh, amazing night!!
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